Not my usual lighthearted,tongue in cheek, post.

         Sharon drove me back to Sulphur,La. today. Good to see my family and my wonderful granddaughter again,but I will sorely miss having my best friends to talk to. My closet friends are in Texas, so I am torn between my  friends,Sharon,Sandy,Mark, and Mary's company, and my family.
       My question is who do you confide in the most?Husband,wife,best friend,your dog, a random stranger held captive for a brief moment in time or the guy on the street corner holding a will work for food but prefer money sign? If you must choose between family, by blood or marriage, and a family of friends you have chosen and to whom you confide all your secrets, who would you choose to be with the majority of the time?
        Seems like a no brainer doesn't it? But,is it? What if no one was left alive who knew you when you were growing up? Would you feel like an orphan? It hits me at random moments,that is precisely what I am now. One shouldn't outlive parents,grandparents,aunts ,uncles,majority of cousins, siblings and one of their children.Is it a gift to be able to see them all at the end of their lives or a curse to out live them all?
        Life is hard and rarely fair,but the alternative is not something I care to rush into.Ahh well, I suppose I have been morose long enough.Tomorrow I will undoubtedly return to my lighthearted, hopefully entertaining posts.  Maybe I'll talk about books,recipes, list my favorite sexy men in the movies or tell a funny story. Check back and see.

frustration with a capitol F

Daddy always told me you have to have money to make money. True. I have learned you have to have credit to get credit. I pay with a debit card,safer and more convenient to keep track of than money. I find myself in a situation of needing a loan to have from car shipped from out of state. What stops me from being approved? You got it!The bank says  I have no credit history,therefore, I don't qualify. the credit card company says I don't have any credit history from a major source so I don't qualify for a credit card or a loan.Can you say Catch 22? My car and I will not be united for some time.

You found my blog. Make a comment.

Well I'm back in Louisiana after living in Alaska for three years. Talk about culture and climate shock. Not very productive with writing last few weeks. The characters from my new idea for a fantasy series are starting to tap on the door of my scrambled brain.got to go for now .talk to you later.pam

Agents and Other Stuff.

      To Query or not to Query. Ahh,that is the question. Whether tis noble...okay enough of that. Thank you very much Mr. Shakespeare for your quotable quotes. Speaking of notable quotes. what are some of your favorite quotes. I have many. "Ovaltine?"from Young Frankenstein." and Cancel Christmas" I believe from  Robin Hood,Men in Tights. "We're gonna need a bigger boat" from JAWS.Too many to count but you get the picture.
    Back to my original thought. I have two finished manuscripts, one partially finished and a first time fantasy novel I'm outlining now. Dabbling with the idea of an erotic paranormal short story.As you can tell,I am very good at procrastination.
    Oh look an eagle is circle in the sky outside my window.I love living in Alaska. Yesterday we passed two moose grazing on the side of the highway. Last week we had a moose in our backyard.
   Can you say ADHD?
   Did I mention I received the resluts back from the Golden Acorn contest? I received a score of 7.5 out of a possible 10.5. I didn't think the score reflected the degree to which the judges hated my submission. Unlikeable hero and heroine in an abusive relationship. MS filled with grammatical errors. Had to force themselves to keep reading. Sigh.they did encourage me to learn the craft of writing before submitting anything again. I thought that was a positive note. At least they did not suggest  I  never write another word!
    I hope to make this blog more interesting at some point. Add comments section,pretty pictures of fairies,puppies,gorgeous half naked men, scantily clad buxom women and photos of me doing "writerly" things. Then again maybe not. I have to coerce and bribe my son-in-law and daughter to do the tech work. I am soooo computer illiterate. I guess I need my name somewhere on this blog and maybe my pen name too.    Pamala D. Owldreamer,yes that is my actual name and no I do not write "Indian stories". I write romance suspense and Fantasy/Paranormal under the pen name,E.P. Caldwell.Maybe I'll have some followers to my blog if I update and make it more interactive. Maybe not? Til next time.

Aging.

Now isn't that a depressing subject on a cold, gray day. My thoughts wandered to something my mother said one morning while she was getting dressed for work. I loved her huge dressing room and would wander in and sit on the floor while she dressed and did her make up. On this particular morning she was in one of her black Irish moods. If you have a drop of Irish in you, you'll know what I mean. She sighed heavily and inspected her face in the mirror.
"You know Pam, I don't feel any different than I did when I was twenty. Then I walk by a mirror or see a refection in a window and I wonder who is that old lady?
Momma pierced my heart with the pain and sadness reflected in her blue gray eyes when she looked at me. When she spoke her voice was soft, wistful and full of incredible sadness.
" Then I realize it's me."
I turned sixty five just before Christmas and for the first time I understood what Momma was saying that day almost fifty years ago. Only now that old lady in the mirror is me.

Writing

Finished one manuscript and still rewriting and editing. Planning on entering it in a few contests. need something to put in my query to agents. Don't think they will be impressed that I won first place in a writing contest in High school and got to read my poetry and an excerpt from my short story on a local television station in Monro,La.. Same goes with the distinction of having the most poetry published in our school journalism, publication the Quill and Scroll. Class of 1963. Good lord I don't feel that old.

Christmas Eve 2009 and I am alone for a bit. Family at friends house playing card game. Not exactly my cup of tea. I've always been a loner, never got bored with my own company. I confess, I am a writer of romantic suspense novels.No,I'm not published but ever hopeful as all writers must be. I was naive enough the think you just sat down and let the story spin out. Well, you can but no one will see it but yourself unless you mail it to some very loyal friends. who knew you had to learn about story structure, plotting, character development, voice, show don't tell and on and on. Silly me. When asked what I do, I now answer I write romantic suspense. No I'm not published yet, but I'm hopeful.