Control issues and letting go.

         I need to have control.I get nervous and frustrated and impatient when I don't.Eventually I get angry. I want to take charge and make things happen in a timely manner and preferably how when and where I want them to. I do not relinquish control in a gracious manner.However; I know that about myself and I do attempt to back off and let some things unfold as they are going to and stop worrying and obsessing about things not being done the way I want them done.Okay,okay.I admit that happens rarely. I alienate many people with this need for control.
       A wonderful Native American friend of mine told me that you can't push the river. Unfortunately,knowing that hasn't stopped me from trying. Yes, I know I am often beating my head against a brick wall,but maybe that will be the day,the wall cracks before my head does.
       I believe in a higher power,well honestly,I will admit on most days I do.I choose to believe,even though I do not understand the overall plan said entity has for me.I am at an age when I should have my house paid for,enjoying my grand kids, and my retirement.I say my prayers and I give thanks. I smudge with sage and cedar and follow Christian and Native American beliefs pray for help in making the right decisions.
      However,I do so with a wait and see attitude sometimes.I wait and see if I can make things happen faster,or better or the way I think they should happen. Okay I suppose I just answered my own question.I am still  trying to keep control and still expect  the higher power power,God,Great Spirit to do his job.I do recognize that this makes little sense.But there it is.I have trouble turning loose and trusting. Maybe I can turn loose a little at a time and see how things go. You know,just take a back seat and go with the flow.See what happens.
     Somehow,I don't think the person upstairs can make as big a mess as I have with my life.Next life,he or she can be in charge.Well maybe on every other Tuesday,I could hand over the reins or at least once a month from eight am to 2PM. I'll see how it goes and maybe increase.........

And I thought I had my life planned out

        I always thought I would be living on our farm In Rayville,Louisiana. Thought I would get married and work beside my husband,ride horses together,round up the cattle for market,sit and watch the sunset over the trees and grow old together.BOY WAS I WRONG!The man I fell for hated the farm,was scared of the cattle,afraid to ride a horses, and wanted to live in town in an apartment He left me Christmas Eve after six years, with a four year old and pregnant with our second child, for a cute19 yr old he was having an affair with. I was the ripe old age of twenty-three.There I was in Alabama with nowhere to go.My dad sent me a plane ticket to come home.   My considerate spouse gave me a dollar to buy food and drinks for the kids.
       I don't talk about my second husband. Suffice it to say it was a colossal rebound error.
I was married to my third and final husband for twenty three years and had two more children.I thought I would happily spend the rest of my life with him.You guessed it.WRONG! I had two work related injuries and thought it was a great idea to move in with my daughter and son-in law and spend the rest of my life comfortable and secure. WRONG!
      I thought it would be a  great idea to move with them to Alaska for five years or so.WRONG!Now I loved Alaska,but it was sooo expensive to live there and it cost us a bundle to move there and back to the lower forty-eight after only three years.
     Now I am 65 and I thought I finally had a stable home.WRONG! Due to unforeseen circumstances, I can no longer work at my good paying job,the home I am sharing is soon to be gone, and I have backed myself into a corner in Louisiana.I thought I was smarter than this.WRONG!I write Romance Suspense, maybe I will be good enough to be published and have a good career in writing and actually make a living at it.Dear Lord,don't let me be WRONG AGAIN!

Arguing? vs Debate? vs Discussion?

     When does a discussion or debate become an argument? I think( and this is just my opinion,but since this is my blog it is the one that counts at present) a discussion is a give and take exchange of ideas,facts and thoughts.It can  become a debate when one person attempts to change the other persons viewpoint, opinion or to discredit them in some form or fashion.
    It is segueing into an argument when both or either person decides they don't necessarily want to exchange ideas and listen to the other person.They want to expound on their viewpoint and what they believe to be right.At some point one or both participants no longer hears or cares what the other is actually saying because each is too busy thinking about what they are going to say next,if either one is capable of rational thought at this point. Ridiculous statements are often made in the heat of the moment.
    The goal often  becomes to" one up the other person" and win the argument. Sometimes the original concept or theme of the discussion is entirely lost in the midst of a heated exchange and devolves into an irrational argument on both sides.  Sharing opinions and a lively debate is long gone and in it's place is the need to WIN the argument at all co because the other person is wrong!
     In a  worst case scenario,one person murders the other, a spouse walks out and files for divorce,or good friends never speak to each other again. Debates, discussions, and arguments can and do go horribly wrong.
They can also be invigorating and enlightening.So beware when you initiate or take part in a discussion,debate or argument.Irrational thoughts,ridiculous statements, misunderstandings, and unexpected outcomes, randomly and often do occur. Forewarned is forearmed. Say more than a few words to someone at your own risk.

The dead horse in the room

       There it is,THE DEAD HORSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM!We all see it,but no one wants to be the first to say "Good God,there's a dead horse in the middle of the room!"Inevitably someone has to bring attention to it.Especially when the stench can no longer be ignored. Marital problems are often that horse and handled much the same way.A problem is obvious,but if ignored,maybe it will go away.
      I can say from personal experience,it won't.Acknowledging there is a problem can do one of two things.Bring attention to the problem,allowing the couple to talk about it and decide what to do to fix it or force them to realize the love is gone and it's time to part.
      Unfortunately sometimes,one partner is oblivious to the dead horse and the other is acutely aware of it.
 Couples therapy can help,but only if both partners want to commit to making changes and a lot of hard work. Both partners have to want it to work to make it happen.
      I was told by an ex,excuses,excuses,you can either make excuses or you can make it happen.
That being said,maybe things have just gone too far to make it happen,even if both partners try everything  to make it work.Some times you just can't bring the love back.When the end of the road is reached and a parting of the ways comes,it is usually the one left behind who suffers the greatest pain,but both partners are hurting.The end of a marriage is a DEATH, and a  death of dreams and hopes is painful even if it comes as a relief to one or both partners.
     Eventually the wounds heal and most move on. But scar tissue forms and can remain sensitive and painful for a very long time.Walking wounded of all ages,go about rebuilding their lives.They'll wake up and not feel guilt or pain. They will take what they learned from their mistakes, rebuild their lives and learn to trust in love again.

Thinking before speaking.

       I have no governor on my mouth much of the time.My brain thinks it and words spew forth at an alarming rate.Most of the time it turns out okay. But occasionally I hurt people I care about even though I think in the moment I am helping. I speak observations better left unsaid and push buttons better left un-pushed. I tell myself I am helping and they needed to be said.Why?Well because they don't realize they need help,right?
      or maybe it's because I like to hear myself talk and it makes me feel wise and important. I truly mean no harm and am contrite when called on the carpet by a friend. I am sorry for the words that make people feel uncomfortable,but words are arrows that can't be reclaimed until they strike a target.Hopefully,I learned a lesson today and will think before I speak.

Stress relief aides?

A lot of stress lately, internal,external,personal,family,money or lack thereof.I am handling it by reading favorite books,watching favorite movies,eating sugar free candy,iced sugar cookies from Kroger or Wal-Mart. Essentially I try to ignore all of it by not thinking about any of it. How is that working out for me,you may ask? As one would expect I am gaining weight,getting a sore butt and eye strain. But is the stress better? Well,no I can't say that it is;however,I now have three new things to stress over. Maybe if I keep adding new things to relieve the initial things I was stressed over,I'll eventual have such a long list,all I'll be stressed about is having such a long list and actually forget all the things I was stressed over to begin with.

NaNoWriMo

For non-writers this stands for National November Writing Month. The goal is to write 50,00 words in 30 days. Last year I signed up and finished with over100,000 words. I am still editing and revising that novel now. I signed up again this year,only to come down with some type of flu like virus a few days before November the first.Needless to say,I did not have an auspicious start. Actually I didn't start at all,other than a rough outline for a new novel.My intent is to start today,Nov.5th. I'll see how it goes.