COMPUTER CHALLENGED!

     This post is for the lost,frustrated,oft angry,baffled person who desperately wants to be proficient in the use of their computer. I must explain that what you read here is my opinion and mine alone.Feel free to nod your head,stand up and cheer wildly,dance naked around the room in a show of agreement for the opinion I express.    
    I have a love/ hate relationship with my lovely,expensive, blue, Dell laptop.It is capable of doing all sorts of wonderful things.The problem is I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET IT TO DO THE MAJORITY OF THEM!
   Frequently I accidentally accomplish a task and have no idea how I did it and have no way to repeat said task.I have a stack of index cards telling me what I need to do to complete  tasks I want to do.
  Files? What are files and what do you do with them.I download stuff and can't find where it went.I open a file only to discover that it has pictures of stuff I didn't put there.The stuff I'm looking far is nowhere I know how to access. I am certain my laptop is possessed by a gremlin who laughs his ass off every time I log on.
   I am an intelligent woman with a  fairly good IQ but apparently I did not inherit the technology gene from any of my ancesters.I DO NOT UNDERSTAND COMPUTERESE! Yes that is my word for the foriegn language computer geeks speak.I am awed by computer geeks.I wish I belonged to their realm and understood their language. They are earth bound Gods.
  Computer manuals might as well be written in Russian(Another language I do not speak).I do not understand what they are saying,the terms they use or anything else they are telling me to do.Someone needs to write an illustrated computer manual.Yes I watched the tutorial and it was like watching a foreign film without subtitles.
   I am a writer and I depend on my laptop as I cannot read my own handwriting because my ideas spew from my brain in a torrent of pictures,words,and emotions. So for now I plod along sticking to the things I do know how to do and call on my friend, Mark the computer God ,when I have done something really strange,screwed up a document or I am just lost and have no idea how to fix what I just did by accident.
  YES Mark,I do know that I know just enough to screw things up and not enough to know how to fix it and that I should have bought a Mac.But for now, hopefully you will be there to get me out of the mess I just made or patiently explain how to do something new.