Writers aren't exactly people, they're a lot of people trying to be one person. F.Scott Fitzgerald

Sunday, June 26, 2011


I am the first to admit I am too compulsive.I jumped at the chance to move to Alaska and I don't regret any of the experience except the very unwise amount of money I spent while there and returning to the lower 48.I received my 401k and spent the money on my family and myself. I enjoyed my purchases but being more kin to the grasshopper,I did not allow for unforeseen circumstances and once again Old Man Coyote,the trickster in native American mythology, showed up and bit me in the butt again and again.
Having always been more grasshopper than ant,I have struggled with my compulsive behavior all of my life.After being divorced with my daughter to take care of all by myself and in debt I finally realized there was no one to rescue me and learned to take care of business first.
I paid my bills first then spent only what I could afford on entertainment,new clothes for my daughter,etc.If I couldn't pay cash for it I didn't buy it.

At the moment I am in the process of waiting to move into a new seniors apartment building.I am concerned with money,it being the determining factor in almost everything I do or don't do at this time in my life.Hindsight is a bitch and if only's are a waste of time,but who among us don't go there.
I have little in the way of furniture and impulsively gave my bed to my youngest daughter.
I'll bet Old Man Coyote is laughing his skinny butt off right now,because I realized I can't afford to buy a new bed and will have to sleep in my recliner until I can save up enough to buy a bed.
Can you say"DUMB ASS, you did it again!"

Well there you have it in a nutshell,once again I was compulsive and didn't think before I spoke. I should have learned better by now,wouldn't you think?
Why you may ask don't I just tell her I made a mistake and really need the bed?Well mostly because our once very close relationship has definitely gone downhill and I love her and miss our close relationship and I confess I don't want her mad at me.She used to respect me and I don't think she does anymore.
I have made my bed so to speak. I have made so many bad impulsive decisions and I am paying the piper.Now don't get me wrong,I am not asking for sympathy,I am merely "awfulizing", as my therapist many years ago coined the phrase.I don't expect or ask anyone to fix it,I just needed to vent.
So my followers and friends,take heed and think before you leap,weigh the consequences, and consider the what if's,the unexpected and unforeseen.Remember Murphy's Law and then make a decision.The Cherokee wait four days before they make any major decisions. I plan to apply that wise decision making process in my daily life.I guess"Better late than never!"

Monday, June 20, 2011


I am not ashamed or embarrassed to admit I believe in ghosts and demons or if you prefer,malevolent spirits.I am Irish,Choctaw with a bit of English mixed in.With that mixture ,how could I not believe.I still might be more dubious if I hadn't experienced encounters with ghosts and more than one evil entity.
I believe in God,I call the higher power,Great Spirit and I believe in Jesus Christ.I am a non practicing Catholic,a Christian and I follow Native American teachings and beliefs. I have no conflict within me with these religions and beliefs. I have my own personal relationship with the mix and resolve the conflicts within myself.
Now on to my encounters.The first time I saw a true ghost or presence if you are uncomfortable with the term ghost, was on a cool late fall day.I had begun woodcarving and was working out in the workshop/garage using my band-saw to cut out the rough shapes I would later carve into animals,people,dinosaurs or whatever I wanted to make and sell. I had a tingling sensation and the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck rose.I stopped and looked up and was surprised to see an elderly man walking across the yard toward me. He was wearing khaki pants and a plaid flannel shirt and looked familiar. I shut off the power and started to speak to him and ask if I could help him.
The words froze on my tongue when I realized the man was my grandfather.
I couldn't speak,couldn't move merely stood there and watched as he approached me.His faded blue eyes sparkled just as they always had. He paused and looked at my workshop and then down at the stack of wooden figures I had piled on my work table,swept over my bandsaw and other woodworking equipment then pierced me with an intent look.i couldn't speak or move merely stand there and watch as he nodded and smiled his oh so very familiar and beloved smile of approval.Nodded his head and walked past me and i watched him simply evaporate or disappear.
I don't know how long I stood there unable to move,before the spell broke and I grinned.Tears of joy spilled over and I could only stand there smiling,laughing and crying, at the incredible encounter and gift of my grandfather's visit and approval.
In his lifetime,he had been a postman and delivered mail in a horse and buggy,a calvary soldier in the first world war,and helped my grandmother run their boarding house.But his love was for carpentry.He built their first home and the second,then built the first home for my parents and several other family members. Working with wood was what he loved to do and I inherited that love from him.I believe he came back to give me his approval and encouragement to pursue what I truly loved,whether I made a lot of money or not.I will always treasure that special gift.

Now as to my other encounters they vary from feelings of discomfort or fear when walking into a home to actual sightings and physical encounters.
A Native spiritual leader and good friend,asked me and my two best friends to walk her land and clear it and tell her what we felt and saw.She had a spiritual retreat for natives and non- natives and she had held a huge spiritual ceremony, Wolf Song. Hundreds of people including many elders from all over the world had been there conducting workshops and Inipis(sweat lodge) ceremonies.
My two warriors,Lisa and Sharon and I took our sacreds bag of sage,cornmeal.and other sacred objects,surrounded ourselves with protection,asked for spiritual guidance from Great Spirit and set out.
We walked the perimeters of the entire 100 acres,crossing back and forth over all the areas where ceremonies were held,groups held talks and teachings, etc.We cleansed and smudged each section of land and finally approached the entry way into the land and were amazed at the hostile energy we could feel along the entire area along the drive and entry way.
The worst, or so we thought, was the corner where the boundary of the land began all the way to the entry gate.We could feel the anger and myriad of emotions all the people who attended brought with them and left at the gateway onto the land.All of the emotions people brought with them had manifested into a physical energy and tried to prevent us from clearing and smudging the entire entire area.
We managed to sprinkle the area with sage and call for cleansing,protective and healing energy from great Spirit,the Universe and Mother Earth. We turned our back on the entity that was trying to attack us and walked away.Thankfully it was unable to follow.

The three of us recouped our energy,said our prayers of thanks, reinforced our protection and set off to tackle several other areas,the kitchen area,showers,camping spots,dining areas,etc.

The next area I was drawn to was the mobile home,where several of the ranchies,as the live-in workers were called, stayed. We stood in front of the mobile home and began our healing ritual.Suddenly we were shoved backward by a very strong and malevolent power. If just one of us had been shoved backward,we might have chalked it up to a stumble or our imagination,but all three of us stumbled backward with the force of the unknown power at the exact same time.
We looked at each other and without a word we moved forward as a united front against this angry entity.We chanted and sang the same power song without having to tell each other what to do. Our intent was set on banishing this harmful energy/entity fro the home and the land.

I have no idea how long it took before we knew the force was gone and the area was cleansed and protected.The three warriors,for we were truly spiritual warriors that day,continued to cleanse the land,outbuildings and sacred areas until at last we were standing in front of the main house,where Thunder,her spouse,White horse, and there main staff lived.
The three of us knew we were done,for now the land was cleansed and protection set. We stood side by side in silence and watched the extraordinary sunset as the day ended.Hawks flew overhead,bird song filled the air and we could actually feel the land's sigh of contentment.
Our work here was finished and we knew we had done as we were asked and the job was successful.
We sat in the living room and told Mary Thunder all we had felt,experienced physically and emotionally, seen, and accomplished. Her gratitude and our sense of a job well done was all the payment we needed.However; we did accept the gift of iced tea and food.

Later that night, as we were driving home,I was increasingly uncomfortable and had no idea why.I chose not to express my feelings until I had more information.By the time we were back home I knew. I remember the feeling of fear and unease as I told Lisa and Sharon that I realized that they knew who and what I was now.I had revealed myself to them and would have to remain vigilant.I knew without a doubt that the last most powerful entity,energy,whatever it was now knew me and I was now an enemy and always would remain so.
To this day,I smudge the places I live and my body frequently and always try to remember to surround myself with white light and keep my protective shield around me.
I won't describe all of my personal experiences with Spirits,ghosts and strange entities and energies. I know I am an Empath, a healer and have no desire to study in an attempt to know more and become more. It has taken many years to accept what I am and my abilities. I do realize I have the potential to become more but have chosen to not go there,at least at this time.
My experiences and abilities have enabled me to help others but have cost me in energy and physical well being but those stories are for another day and another blog.
Why don't I write a book about my extraordinary experiences one may ask and I will only say that I am not sure I want to show myself to a skeptical world at this time and most important, I am not sure I want to accept who and what I am or could become.
well,enough of that.
My other experiences with entities have been benign encounters and sightings.Fortunately they were in the presence of other people. At least I have proof that I am not entirely crazy or imagining all of these encounters.

Our friend,Lisa and my youngest daughter and I experienced a fire in my home that rendered the house inhabitable.We rented a home and moved in.We loved the house and it was a magical place.Dragonflies,Butterflies,Hummingbirds seemed to love the place and we were treated to their presence in our backyard constantly.
One afternoon we were sitting in the living room talking when we saw a man dressed in a khaki uniform walk across the fenced back yard, heading around the side of the house. I asked."Did you see that man and they both said they did.There was no gate from him to enter from that the direction he had come and the three of us leaped up and hurried to the door.Lisa and I went out the back door and my daughter went out the front door. There was no sign of the man anywhere and no way for him to exit the backyard and disappear that quickly.
We went back inside and discussed what we had seen. I told them that the man looked identical to my real father who had died when I was sixteen.He was a mechanic and wore the identical khaki clothes every working day until he died. I truly believe it was my father at least it was his ghost.
The next encounter happened in the same house.My 21 yr old son was killed in a one car crash when he had a blow out on a back tire going around a curve and down a mountain on his way to California to try and break into the music video business.
A few days after his death,my friend Lisa came out of her room early one morning and said she had been awakened by a visitor sitting on the foot of her bed.Jackie had visited her because he didn't want to upset me but wanted me to know he was okay and he loved me and everything was alright.
The last sighting or visitation occurred just before we moved out.The three of us were sitting in the living room watching television and we say what appeared to be a native American man walk past the doorway that opened to the hallway leading to our bedrooms. He was walking toward Lisa's bedroom. Lisa and I jumped up and checked out her bedroom.It was empty!
We all agreed we had seen the exact same thing. The entity didn't feel threatening and we didn't feel any intent to do harm.We had merely seen what we saw and it was gone.

These types of sightings and encounters have continued for years for me and occasionally I have felt the energy,being,ghost,spirit, entity,whatever one chooses to call them has been less than friendly,but for the most part they have been protective or benign. Sometimes I know why they reveal themselves sometimes I don't.
I do know they are very real and I am not afraid of them Only rarely have I felt they are not friendly and could cause harm.

I treasure every one of my many experiences and rarely talk about them to people I don't know and trust. I have made an exception here on my blog,because I trust that my readers are getting to know me and I will say if a post is tongue in cheek or a true story.I plan to continue with posts about some of my extraordinary experiences and I have had many in my 66 years and hope to have many more. check back for my next blog on my un-nerving experience with my attempt at healing and easing my sister's cancer pain.

Friday, June 17, 2011

A Blog site possessed & A Modern Horror Story!

Apparently this blog site is having some major issues.No matter what font or size print I choose it switches to the font and size it feels I actually meant to choose which varies from moment to moment. What do I have now? Seems I have been changed to... hmm..... this seems to actually be Times.I don't really have much to say,other than Apartment hunting is a major pain in the butt. Used to be (not so very long ago) You found the complex you wanted to live in,headed over for a tour,selected what you wanted,filled out paperwork and if they had the unit you wanted available you paid your money and voila you moved in.
Not so these days.You have to have either 2.5 or 3 times the cost of the monthly rent in income to even be considered and these aren't even fancy upscale apartments. These places would have been considered low to medium income apartments a few years ago.I have spent the better part of a month or more checking out apartments,filling out applications and being very disappointed with repeated rejections,not because I can't afford the monthly rent and utilities,but because I can't meet the insane income requirements.
I can certainly understand why there are so many homeless people living in shelters, and in cardboard boxes under the overpasses and in alleys.Never thought I could be amongst the homeless.I will never scoff at them again.
No one is exempt from the possibility of being homeless in this day and time!
DOO DE DOO DOO,do de doo doo!(hum to the tune of The Twilight Zone theme song.)

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Soul Mates Are Not Who YOU Think They Are!

Soul mates are not necessarily our other half,our partner in life or the person we are meant to find and be with til death do us part.That is actually our Life Mate. The one person we are meant to meet and journey through this lifetime side by side,our other half as it were. The other half of our soul. We can have more than one soul mate but usually only one Life Mate. We can find love again if we lose our Life Mate and have a fulfilling ,loving relationship but it is rarely the same deep soul connection.
A Soul Mate is a person who will come into our life to teach us our life lessons and stay only until we experience those lessons that we have agreed to learn before we are born.Those lessons can be harsh,cruel,sad,devastating,joyful but they are necessary for our growth. Some religions believe we keep coming back again and again until we experience each lesson and learn what we need to learn.
That does not mean we cannot learn from a Life Mate as well as a Soul Mate.We grow and become who we are meant to be from both teachers. Not everyone meets their Life Mate but we all meet our Soul Mates.

Mirrors in your life and what are they beyond the obvious? Think back on someone who pisses you off for no apparent reason.You just don't like the person! They make you angry to even hear them speak. Take a close look at them and ask yourself what is it about them you really dislike. Then take a closer look and you will realize that you see in them something that you don't like about yourself.They are your MIRROR.We can learn a lot about ourselves by observing our mirror and it isn't always pleasant.However ,it can be very enlightening.
Life is a gift to be lived to the fullest and remember that life is a journey and not a destination!

Monday, June 13, 2011


       I have three Muses.One looks like and acts like Audry Hepburn,one looks and acts like Kathryn Hepburn and  the male looks like Matthew Macfadyen. They have been with me since I started on this wonderful and very difficult career as a full time writer five years ago. They have guided me,encouraged me,whispered ideas in my ear and kicked my butt when I've needed it kicked.Unfortunately they are very Fey and don't always show up on time and have been known to disappear.This is one of those times.
       On  a whim,they have taken off on a vacation when I am at a crucial point in my latest novel,the middle!Unfortunately this isn't the first time they have done this,but they don't usually leave me at such a crucial point and they usually tell me where they are going.Last time was during NaNoWriMo when Matthew decided to head to Ireland for holiday and of course,the two ladies followed him.I managed to lure them back by hanging pictures of them and Ireland all over my room.
Since they got wise to that and didn't tell me this time where they were going I am forced to take drastic measures. I am posting this blog and offering a non monetary reward for their capture and return, in good condition of course. 
       Meanwhile I am writing a few new scenes in the manuscript that they insisted I finish.Between you and me,I think they are getting even for my not immediately writing the new scenes they suggested.Hopefully this will appease them and they will return when they realize I will likely make a mess and the WIP will need tons of revisions(which they hate to do).they hate it when I make a mess they have to help clean up.Mwwaaahaha,there is a method to my madness!

Sunday, June 12, 2011


        Today is Sunday.The sky is blue with a few fluffy white clouds here and there and a light breeze.It's June in Texas so it's hot!I should be writing new scenes in my latest novel,Evolution of Monsters, or editing my two finished novels and writing queries to send out to agents and publishers.I should be writing new stories in my Bedtime Stories for Children of All Ages book.  I should be writing new scenes in my fantasy novel,but obviously I'm doing none of those productive jobs.I did clean my room,make my bed,eat a pizza hot pocket for breakfast and re-arranged my computer desk for the umpteenth time.
     I know I should be writing a devastatingly witty and entertaining blog(obviously this is my rather poor attempt) for my wonderfully supportive followers.I need to go to the park,walk around and get some fresh air and exercise and feel the sun and the breeze on my face. Instead,I read and answered e-mails,checked out Facebook posts and now I am writing this to acknowledge that I am well aware of all the things I should be doing versus what I feel like doing.
  That admission being said and acknowledged, I stand my ground as the Master and Commander of my ship and I will sail her when and where I please and in this moment I intend to sail her to Wendy's for a large chocolate frosty,then join Lizzy and Mr.Darcy in a relaxing day of procrastination at Pemberly.
  Cheerio loyal followers,until we meet again!

Friday, June 10, 2011


       I never asked for a battle and never expected to be challenged.However on a mild April morning the challenge was issued and I voiced my surprise to my fellow comrades and several loyal friends who had been challenged to a battle by this formidable knight who usually came out of his fortress once a year in the Spring to challenge others to a battle.Knights are known to be noble and rarely inflict serious injury unless challenged to a battle to the death or fighting during wartime. All present had dealt with this formidable enemy and knew him to be ruthless,without mercy and almost impossible to defeat.
     I am no coward but I had no known cause to do battle with this knight and chose to try mediation and appeal to the knights code of honor and plead to know the reason for this challenge and a message was sent forthwith.    A response was issued promptly and I read the charges and strongly disagreed.
Naturally,I denied the charges,requested a more reasonable resolution in the matter and waited for a response.
   The reply was terse and accusatory and I realized this knight had no desire to resolve the issue amicably or explain the complaint in a reasonable and satisfactory manner.A battle was unavoidable.

      We sparred daily in a battle style I had no familiarity with. His weapons were far superior to mine.Obviously he had unlimited resources with which to obtain armor and weapons that far outstripped mine. nevertheless I fought as bravely as I could with the weapons I had for weeks until wounded and exhausted I proposed a truce that would leave me battle scarred but alive.
     I paid dearly in time and coins to defend myself in a battle not of my making over an offense not committed by myself,but by a well meaning friend.I suppose I lost the battle,but I am fortunate that I escaped with wounds,both mental and physical, that are gradually healing and a considerably lighter coin purse.
    Fortunately for my mental and physical health, I have retired form the battleground and will not have to face this blood thirsty Knight again. I keep to my own modest castle and listen to the tales of fellow brave knights who have had to face Sir IRS every spring. I have no fond memories of the battle in which I had no wish to participate with a knight who was less than honorable.