Writers aren't exactly people, they're a lot of people trying to be one person. F.Scott Fitzgerald

Sunday, June 26, 2011


I am the first to admit I am too compulsive.I jumped at the chance to move to Alaska and I don't regret any of the experience except the very unwise amount of money I spent while there and returning to the lower 48.I received my 401k and spent the money on my family and myself. I enjoyed my purchases but being more kin to the grasshopper,I did not allow for unforeseen circumstances and once again Old Man Coyote,the trickster in native American mythology, showed up and bit me in the butt again and again.
Having always been more grasshopper than ant,I have struggled with my compulsive behavior all of my life.After being divorced with my daughter to take care of all by myself and in debt I finally realized there was no one to rescue me and learned to take care of business first.
I paid my bills first then spent only what I could afford on entertainment,new clothes for my daughter,etc.If I couldn't pay cash for it I didn't buy it.

At the moment I am in the process of waiting to move into a new seniors apartment building.I am concerned with money,it being the determining factor in almost everything I do or don't do at this time in my life.Hindsight is a bitch and if only's are a waste of time,but who among us don't go there.
I have little in the way of furniture and impulsively gave my bed to my youngest daughter.
I'll bet Old Man Coyote is laughing his skinny butt off right now,because I realized I can't afford to buy a new bed and will have to sleep in my recliner until I can save up enough to buy a bed.
Can you say"DUMB ASS, you did it again!"

Well there you have it in a nutshell,once again I was compulsive and didn't think before I spoke. I should have learned better by now,wouldn't you think?
Why you may ask don't I just tell her I made a mistake and really need the bed?Well mostly because our once very close relationship has definitely gone downhill and I love her and miss our close relationship and I confess I don't want her mad at me.She used to respect me and I don't think she does anymore.
I have made my bed so to speak. I have made so many bad impulsive decisions and I am paying the piper.Now don't get me wrong,I am not asking for sympathy,I am merely "awfulizing", as my therapist many years ago coined the phrase.I don't expect or ask anyone to fix it,I just needed to vent.
So my followers and friends,take heed and think before you leap,weigh the consequences, and consider the what if's,the unexpected and unforeseen.Remember Murphy's Law and then make a decision.The Cherokee wait four days before they make any major decisions. I plan to apply that wise decision making process in my daily life.I guess"Better late than never!"

1 comment:

Savannah said...

Thanks for sharing so openly with us. Hindsight is quite a B! Wishing you luck and prosperity...SOON :)