I need to have control.I get nervous and frustrated and impatient when I don't.Eventually I get angry. I want to take charge and make things happen in a timely manner and preferably how when and where I want them to. I do not relinquish control in a gracious manner.However; I know that about myself and I do attempt to back off and let some things unfold as they are going to and stop worrying and obsessing about things not being done the way I want them done.Okay,okay.I admit that happens rarely. I alienate many people with this need for control.
A wonderful Native American friend of mine told me that you can't push the river. Unfortunately,knowing that hasn't stopped me from trying. Yes, I know I am often beating my head against a brick wall,but maybe that will be the day,the wall cracks before my head does.
I believe in a higher power,well honestly,I will admit on most days I do.I choose to believe,even though I do not understand the overall plan said entity has for me.I am at an age when I should have my house paid for,enjoying my grand kids, and my retirement.I say my prayers and I give thanks. I smudge with sage and cedar and follow Christian and Native American beliefs pray for help in making the right decisions.
However,I do so with a wait and see attitude sometimes.I wait and see if I can make things happen faster,or better or the way I think they should happen. Okay I suppose I just answered my own question.I am still trying to keep control and still expect the higher power power,God,Great Spirit to do his job.I do recognize that this makes little sense.But there it is.I have trouble turning loose and trusting. Maybe I can turn loose a little at a time and see how things go. You know,just take a back seat and go with the flow.See what happens.
Somehow,I don't think the person upstairs can make as big a mess as I have with my life.Next life,he or she can be in charge.Well maybe on every other Tuesday,I could hand over the reins or at least once a month from eight am to 2PM. I'll see how it goes and maybe increase.........